Announcing the Tour de Fun (JPB)

There have been a lot of rumors going around in my head about the 'Tour de Fun.' I am glad to announce that they are true (mostly. the one about the monkey on a penny-farthing isn't, unfortunately). What is the 'Tour de Fun?' Well, the Tour de Fun is a bike event founded June 05, 2008 in Walnut Creek, California (actually, I may have officially been in Martinez at the time...so...let's say Contra Costa County) by Joel Bensing, a full time idiot, part time bon vivant, burgeoning hydrogeologist (HA!), with a hint of lime, and artificial flavoring. (yes, if you add all those up they are greater than one 'full time.' That's what makes me great). The Tour de Fun is a non-competitive cycling event that happens 1-7 days a week, and may have 1-6,602,224,175 (+/-) participants. There have been a lot of questions asked about Tour de Fun, mostly asked by me somewhere between Castro Ranch Road and my eyes popping out of my head going up Pig Farm Hill. I will answer those questions here:

Q: Do I have to go to France, Quebec, Algeria, or Martinique to participate in Tour de Fun?

A: No. You do not. Despite the name, there is nothing particularly francophone about the Tour de Fun, unless you happen to be particularly francophone. The name's origin lies in marketing. Tour de Fun just has the quasi-french, euro-je ne sais quoi sound to it, sort of like the Tour de Georgia: Presented by AT&T, only Tour de Fun is fake and made up by an idiot.

Q: Do I have to shave my legs to participate in the Tour de Fun?

A: While some participants may choose to do so, this is not required. In fact, some people prefer to NOT shave their legs, so they can sandbag the "more advanced" riders. This sandbagging technique increases in effectiveness as your gender approaches 'female.'

Q: Is it true that you HAVE to eat ice cream after the Tour de Fun?

A: Yes. That is our officially sanctioned benediction.

Q: Do I need a fancy road bike to participate?

A: No. Unicycles, little big-wheels, training wheels, cruisers, mountain bikes, low riders, etc. are all equally encouraged.

Q: Do I have to wear tights with pads (a.k.a chamois) in them?

A: Not necessarily, but you should. Everyone from Stephen Hawking to Joey Buttafuoco will tell you that I suck at math, but I did a quick back of the envelope calculation that proves the more you ride, the more you will want bike shorts. Shorts, while silly, help with nether-region comfort and control, aerodynamics, and muscle fatigue. (it's true. so called "science" says so).

Q: Will I get REALLY bad tan lines?

A: Yes.

Q: Sure this sounds fun, but how much does it cost?

A: That's the great thing about the Tour de Fun! All you need is a bike, a helmet, and some time (and possibly sunscreen. See Above).

Q: Where do I sign up?

A: That's the easiest part. Just get on your bike, and you'll find it.